I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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