my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
