I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
