Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
