you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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