Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
