What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
