I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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