What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
