what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
