some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
