Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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