I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
