This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
