so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
