How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
