Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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