I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
