I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
