Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
