He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
