you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
