Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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