Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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