Whod you bang
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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