I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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