it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
