come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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