i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
