It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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