So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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