I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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