We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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