Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
