And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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