he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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