I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
