That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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