I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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