My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra