i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.