This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.