I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
lying in bed pretending to be a slug