thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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