I just pynch a tree in the face
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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