I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
