He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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