So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
