Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
