like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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