Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
