does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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