How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congratulations! We have a period
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