She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
