Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
