He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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