im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
