Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
