dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
