Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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