He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
